Clarity.

i woke up last night drenched in my own sweat, gasping for air, clutching onto my chest.
Physical pain. The pain has finally become physical.
I cried, i cried like I haven't cried in ages. I cried like my life depended on it. I cried till i was too tired to even shed a tear.
It was the sudden realization, of how much i needed him, how much i missed him.
I can't keep living in those memories.
No one understands why i'm fighting for something that hurts me so much.
Why i keep looking at those photos of us, knowing that i'll just end up in tears, crying over the same thing.

He begged me to stay and i turned my back on him, now that i've fallen to my knees to beg him to stay, he has compltely walked out.

I can't stop thinking about you. I can't help but remember those times. The fights, the smiles, the hugs.
I threw it all away in my moment of insanity and you stayed, you never gave up on me.
I'm meant to learn from my mistakes, but once again, it was only when i've lost it, that i realised i needed you.
My last words to you were... "i'll never shed a tear over you, ever again. these will be the very last"
What a lie. Cause i'm still crying now. Your absence is just so evident.

Mark where ever you are, how ever you are, i'm sorry, for all the pain i caused you, for all the pain you caused me.
Neither of us intended for things to end the way they did. Now here we are, neither is in the eithers life, both left scattered and torn. I will always be here for you my friend. My beautiful friend.